The Sissification of Me

For the next few minutes lets consider this blog to be a virtual confessional booth. A place of secrecy, confidentiality, honesty, probably a good dose of shame but in the end healing.

I am sharing this knowing that whatever is posted on the web is completely sacred,  will never come back to bite me in the butt and  is private and will not leave the confines of this web address.

…Phew, glad I have place like this to share my inner most battles.

Father, mother, sister, friend, random web browser forgive me for I have sinned. It has been over 25 years since my last confession via the interweb.

Okay here it is, the low down shameful truth…

About three and a half years I ago I got married to an incredible woman. At the time I was a full blooded man. Sports, video games, junk food, etc. 100 percent XY chromosomal goodness. But over the last three plus years, I have changed. There has been a shift and as hard as it is to admit, I have been sissified.

I finally admitted to this in the shower a couple weeks ago when I realized I almost had as many products in the shower as my wife.

Before my wife and I got married, I lived in a basement apartment that my three roommates and I dubbed “The Spider Trap.” I’ll let you guess why. During this time, I lived out of a travel bag, used whatever soap was available and the cheapest shampoo I could find. It often times was VO5 because I could get a bottle for something like 79 cents.

Oh, did I mention that this appartment looked Katrina wreckage and literally had to bail it out late one night with a dust pan and a kitchen pot. No woman would EVER live there. It was a dump and it was perfect.

I say all of this to make perfectly clear that prior to marriage, there was testosterone coursing through my veins. However, as I was standing in the shower a couple weeks ago, I felt the testosterone in my body come to a screeching halt as I realized that I had, face wash, body wash, organic shampoo and of all things, a loofah hanging in the shower (loofah – a word that I had no clue how to spell until I researched it for this post).

It was as if every ounce of masculinity was being exfoliated from my body and I was watching it helplessly swirl around and around in the drain before heading out to sea, never to be seen again.

Gone are the days of cheap grooming products and in their place are over priced moisturizing washes and clarifying shampoos (I don’t even know what a clarifying shampoo does, but I use it).

And so here I sit confessing, pouring out my soul, hoping that my story can save the masculinity of another fellow XY.

If not…use the loofah, your wife will LOVE your smooth skin!